lately i’ve been contemplating going back to work. or rather, staying home with leland. i’ve talked about it a lot with jay even though i think we already had a decision made up in the back of our minds. every time i hear about a girl my age getting their masters degree or finishing and graduating college, or starting a new career i start to doubt a little. i have always been independent. in fact, once upon a time i dreamed of traveling overseas to do missionary work on my own or be a journalist in some other state. so the thought of a stay at home mom doesn’t come natural to me but rather sounds like the opposite of independent. so when i got pregnant i was certain i’d work at least part time once leland came. however, things changed once he was born. my perspective on things changed just a bit when we all came home from the hospital and real life started.
the thing is, i dont have to get a full or part time job, i think i just wanted to more than anything. maybe i was afraid of not having enough money, or losing out on being social with a bunch of co-workers, or being recognized somehow. (which all of that in general is very, very meaningless when my worth is to be found in Christ anyway.) but now that i am home with leland, i can’t imagine working full time, only to scrape out a ton of that money for childcare, you know? i understand that a lot of moms have to work to make ends meet. i totally get that. but it’s not necessary for me to get a job and put leland in childcare all day just to have a few nicer things, pay off student loans quicker, and have some extra money for us. i am blessed to be able to stay at home with leland and i am thankful for that. so that is my decision. luckily, we are young enough where we have not gotten ourselves into a bunch of credit card debt or anything with some outrageous bills to pay. we are going to have to cut back on some things here and there, sacrifice some, but it is so worth it. thankfully, my photography is one way that i am making some money for our family. (i really pray that it continues to grow!)
i know that i can never get these years back. and the thing is, and something that i didn’t realize until now…is that staying at home really is a full time job. but so rewarding! i’m learning not to care so much when friends or others ask me if i’m going back to work and i say no, and they give me a funny look. this is who i am and i am trusting Him with the decisions i am making.
plus…who wouldn’t want to spend all day with this adorable little boy? :)
hope you had a blessed thanksgiving!