it’s late, i am the only one awake in the house, and i really should be working and editing but to be honest, i just want to sit and be still. alison krauss is on, and so i am writing some things have been on my heart lately. questions like “where do i find my value?” and “where do i find my worth?” keep going through my head. most days i feel as though this is just a blog in the midst of millions….a photographer in the midst of (probably, millions….new photographers pop up daily it seems.) so there is naturally a desire in me to want to succeed and be known. this is true.
however, lately….all of my extra time and energy has been put into reading photography blogs, looking at photos, photography books, yada yada. it is constantly on my mind. all of the time. with the goal end of wanting to be “known.” to “make it.” while that’s great and all and i do want to learn and i do love photography- i do not want my worth to come from that. that should not be my desire. i do not need to be “known” because my worth is already found in Christ.
i think the world puts a lot of pressure on young women to be independent, to succeed, and be known which makes it sometimes difficult. there are certainly expectations for women and careers and all of that. but what if i just lived in a small country house on some land, with a few kids, and raised them to know and love Jesus? to live a simple life, with very little stress, and lots of love? would that be enough? i absolutely would love to say yes. raising a family, and being an example of Jesus’ love to my little boy is far greater than “making it” at any job or career.
i wrote a song when i was fourteen that says “Lord, take my dreams. take my desires. they are not my own. i come before You know laying all that i am, all that i have before You.” and that’s exactly what i need to be reminded of time and time again. to lay it all down. to be great in His eyes is enough, and to find satisfaction in Him alone is even greater.