When we walked into the doctor’s office for the ultrasound, I had convinced myself that we were having another boy. I just knew it, but Jay thought otherwise. As the ultrasound started, I was so anxious and excited and she (very quickly) told us the gender. I saw her type the words on the screen “IT’S A GIRL!” Jay and I were so excited when she told us the news and I couldn’t believe it. Jay was hoping for a girl, and I think secretly, I was too. I was already thinking about Leland having a little sister and couldn’t wait to tell my parents. When we got to the very end of the ultrasound she wanted to double check and make sure that it was a girl…sure enough it wasn’t and she re-announced the gender as a boy.
I just laughed about the mishap, and was still excited but a little part of my heart sank. Just a moment earlier, we had gotten so excited about having a little girl and I felt horrible about being the slightest bit disappointed. When our appointment was over, we headed out to the car and I started crying…a lot. I don’t ever show emotions very often and rarely cry…but that day, I cried. A lot. I was excited about having another boy but that little part of me that was so excited when the ultrasound said it was a girl, still sank. Maybe it was because I planned on only having two kids, who knows.
And then, I thought about those who can’t have any children. Who would do anything to have just one child. Or those who have lost a little one. I thought about how…honestly, it was kind of silly for me to be crying about something that was really minimal. But then again, I think it’s kind of normal. At least for pregnant people with crazy hormones ;) This baby boy is a gift, truly a gift and if anything, I was shown my own struggle and the temptation for things to go my way. That hurts to write but it’s true. He is healthy, he is a blessing and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But that day of the ultrasound….I really wrestled with myself and my thoughts. I am truly excited to be having another little boy. Leland will love having a little brother, and I couldn’t be more thrilled. It just took a little while for it to all sink in…..God is good and I am thankful.
It’s okay……you probably would have cried the same way if you were having a girl. Hormones do those things. It will be fun for you to have two little guys. They will become great friends.
Girls are high maintenance, hah.
Congratulations.
I think all this says is that – You’re Human! I think it’s so brave of you to write about being a little dissapointed, because so many people don’t admit that and I’m sure it happens more than we think! I love reading your families story, and am so excited for you and your husband (and leland!) Congrats!!
xx, Kara
My husband and I find out what we are having next week! We are so excited, and I will keep your thoughts in mind when we have our ultrasound:) Prayers to you and your family. We appreciate your testimony for Christ!
I agree w/Kara. I think it’s ok to admit you were disappointed at first. It doesn’t mean you love baby boy any less, it just means you dreamed up all the things you’d be doing with a baby girl and realized you weren’t going to do them (yet ;)
I appreciate your honesty about it. :)
Emily at Amazing Grapes
Oh, this made me tear up. I can imagine how difficult that must have been. So good that God can teach us so much about ourselves in moments like this…
You have such a sweet heart. Thanks for your honesty!
I’m so glad you shared this. Yes it’s normal and yes you are human and you don’t need to pretend that you don’t have feelings or that you struggle with things- we ALL do ;) But alot of people won’t admit it. Its not a sin to have those feelings and struggles, its how we deal with them that counts- and you have done a wonderful job dealing with this :) What a blessing we learn in these moments and what a blessing this new baby boy will be to you and to his big brother! Love, Mom
it is not silly at all! my sister cried for days when she found out she was having boy number 3 b/c that was her last and she knew she would never have a daughter!
just think how much fun those little boys will have! CONGRATS!!
I chose not to know the sex of either babies. I ended up with toxemia with Kara and was in the hospital for 8 long days before they took her emergency. Any how…during my stay they were checking the babies heart and accidently said” She’s fine thus far”…I said she?…ooopsie…So I called Kevin and said the Doctors said that she is fine…..He ask she? He was disappointed,,,,it’s norman… I know God decided it….Both her daddy, me and Tom and family couldn’t imagine a day without her! Beautiful of you to share that emotion…….Love Terra
AWW two boys! Congrats love!
I experienced disappointment, too, finding out my #2 was a boy. I wanted another girl and I couldn’t help but cry out of disappointment after the ultrasound. I felt so horribly guilty! We was also in the middle of a big move (that I did NOT want to do), so between that and hormones I was just a bit emotional. But now, ohhh that little boy (I have a girl, boy, and a new baby girl) is the light of my life. I ask myself daily how I could have ever not wanted a boy. God sure does give us just what we need right when we need it. :) Congrats to you and your sweet family! xo!
Aww congratulations! My brother is the only boy out of four girls and I think that must be hard. Two boys near in age are a great team and I’m sure they will be inseparable. Thanks for sharing your excitements and struggles. Oh and I love the photo such a cute idea! God bless!
Love your honesty! I think we’ve all felt this way at some point, it’s just scary to admit. We weren’t going to find out the gender of Eden, but decided to at 21 weeks… after we found out, I was kinda disappointed that we did AND also felt SO guilty for feeling the way I did! You’re “normal” girlie! <3
Im excited for you. I really thought I was having another boy too and share the same struggle you did with the thought of having two boys- i was ok with it because thinking about my husband taking his sons on camping trips and the two boys growing up together and wrestling and playing was really fun to think about. Every woman wants a girl in some small way though.
Even when people get two daughters, they sometimes always hope for a boy. It’s normal. it’s good to cry it out though.
You are too cute though in the pic with the blue bow on your belly!!!
I was hoping for a second girl too..
But honestly after we found out that we were having our second boy I was so happy! And now my three year old is so happy to have a brother. Its the best thing ever!
So happy for you! Boys are the best! And your oldest will be so happy!
♥
Olga
I just wanted to say, thank you for your post. I just went in for an ultrasound for my 4th and found out I was having my 4 th boy. I really related to your comments/emotions/thought and I felt it very therapeutic to read your comments. Thank you for your honest post. I really appreciate it.