life, sleep, and matthew six
well folks, nowadays my days seem to run together :) i kind of miss a normal schedule but i know i won’t be on one for some time. i would love to say that every morning, i’m going to get up, read the good word, have some quiet time but i’m just tired sometimes. so i don’t have a schedule but that’s ok. i’m trying to remind my perfectionist self that not everything has to be so-so. i see other blogs of some people, some with their kids and sometimes i just don’t see how the pictures they portray can be real. how can they live such perfect little lives? and then i start comparing my life with theirs. i mean, real life is not always perfect..rarely ever. it is messy, fun, spontaneous, and sometimes unorganized.
i’ve been thinking about that a lot lately…just, life and balance in general. a part of mereally enjoys having nice things from anthropolgie, getting excited over a gingerbread latte from starbucks, putting up christmas lights with jay, spending time doing this or that. i love life. i love the little things in life. however, it is hard for me to be focused on making this life look so pretty and all when i know that there is a world out there that is searching and looking for more. when Jesus said “seek first the kingdom, and all these things shall be added unto you” in matthew 6:33 he was talking about His kingdom, which really isn’t a part of this world. is it a sin to do the things i like to do and buy a thing every now and then? of course not. but where is my treasure? what am i seeking first? His kingdom, or my own little world?
…on a side note, leland has been sleeping almost 6 straight hours a night! this is BIG news for us here. it is so nice to sleep for more than 2-3 hours, get up and make a bottle, and repeat. now we are only having to get up about once maybe twice a night so i am quite excited! i am thankful that he is such a good, little baby. and i’m not even exaggerating, he really is. the good Lord has been very gracious to us this time around!
these are my thoughts for now…i have many more, but this will have to do. oh, and i’m going to post pictures soon and christmasy sort of things. :)
lately i’ve been contemplating going back to work. or rather, staying home with leland. i’ve talked about it a lot with jay even though i think we already had a decision made up in the back of our minds. every time i hear about a girl my age getting their masters degree or finishing and graduating college, or starting a new career i start to doubt a little. i have always been independent. in fact, once upon a time i dreamed of traveling overseas to do missionary work on my own or be a journalist in some other state. so the thought of a stay at home mom doesn’t come natural to me but rather sounds like the opposite of independent. so when i got pregnant i was certain i’d work at least part time once leland came. however, things changed once he was born. my perspective on things changed just a bit when we all came home from the hospital and real life started.
the thing is, i dont have to get a full or part time job, i think i just wanted to more than anything. maybe i was afraid of not having enough money, or losing out on being social with a bunch of co-workers, or being recognized somehow. (which all of that in general is very, very meaningless when my worth is to be found in Christ anyway.) but now that i am home with leland, i can’t imagine working full time, only to scrape out a ton of that money for childcare, you know? i understand that a lot of moms have to work to make ends meet. i totally get that. but it’s not necessary for me to get a job and put leland in childcare all day just to have a few nicer things, pay off student loans quicker, and have some extra money for us. i am blessed to be able to stay at home with leland and i am thankful for that. so that is my decision. luckily, we are young enough where we have not gotten ourselves into a bunch of credit card debt or anything with some outrageous bills to pay. we are going to have to cut back on some things here and there, sacrifice some, but it is so worth it. thankfully, my photography is one way that i am making some money for our family. (i really pray that it continues to grow!)
i know that i can never get these years back. and the thing is, and something that i didn’t realize until now…is that staying at home really is a full time job. but so rewarding! i’m learning not to care so much when friends or others ask me if i’m going back to work and i say no, and they give me a funny look. this is who i am and i am trusting Him with the decisions i am making.
plus…who wouldn’t want to spend all day with this adorable little boy? :)
hope you had a blessed thanksgiving!
i know this is mainly a photo-related blog, and i have so many pictures i want to post up here from recent shoots….but i also wanted to post a little something from my day to day life from the past few weeks. the past month or so has gone by so fast, i can’t even believe it! little leland is almost a month old (and still so tiny!) the first week we brought him home was such a blur but now reality has set in a little bit. now i know what people meant when they said “oh..some days you will wonder where the day has gone!” i realize that now when i look at the clock and its 5 o clock and i’m not even ready or dressed for the day!
it has been so sweet, especially seeing jay with leland. he is so good with him and i’m so thankful for such a patient, gentle, and sweet-spirited husband. i know that i’ve had some rough moments the past few weeks, and i have seen how jay is much more patient than i am in many ways!
the other day i was driving by myself and listening to “my great reward” by shane & shane, just worshipping and i got so overwhelmed with thankfulness. it was one of those moments where you are in your car, with hands raised and singing loudly, hoping no other cars or trucks pass by and wonder what in the world you are doing. :) anyway, i was reflecting on His faithfulness…and then i got to thinking about my little newborn, my somewhat new marriage, and this season of life i’m in. i’m super content and very thankful. yet… even though being married is great and having a new baby is precious, that is definitely not where my contentment lies. my satisfaction is to be found in Christ, my great reward. and i pray that remains the focus of my life.
here are a few pictures from my phone from the past few weeks:
1. such a sweet, round little face. 2. he absolutely loves his playmat.
3. my handsome husband, i love him. 4. two handsomes.
5. lovely flowers from friends. 6. me…with some sleep deprived bed head
7. i am currently: running on coffee 8. colder weather= time to wear moccasins
9. little sleeper. 10. doing LOTS of laundry!
11. the binky that saves the day! 12. jay made him a turban, poor thing
born october 15th, 2010
7 pounds 20 1/4 in.
you are now a week old. daddy and i have already fallen completely in love with you. in fact, we fell in love from the moment you took your first breath in this world. you are precious, and we are so grateful that God has given you to us.
before you were born, i was a little scared on how i would raise a boy in this crazy world…how i would teach you the ways of the Lord, how to obey, and how to stay away from the impurities of this generation. i felt incapable and inadequate of caring for such a small, tiny person. but now, as i see your little face, hear your little coos and squeaks, and as i look at your little smiling face…all of that fear seems to fade away. i have already decided to trust Jesus in raising you. you are a child of God, leland, and He has promised to look after His children. He has promised us peace and joy if we simply rest in Him.
daddy and i want to be an example of love to you, always. we want to show you what it means to truly love Jesus. you might not know what that means for a long time, but we want you to see it every day. we want to teach you and guard your heart so that one day, you too will show others what Jesus’ love looks like and what it means to follow Him.
you are a gift to me, leland, and you are changing the way i see things. you are one of the most blessed things that has happened in my life. but do me one favor, please don’t grow up too quickly. i want to treasure each moment that i have seeing you grow.
i love you.
the Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works. ” psalm 145:9
happy october! looks like fall is finally here. today i was reflecting on God’s goodness and am so thankful for this season. not just autumn, of course (and everything that comes along with it…carmel apples, wonderful colors, pumpkin spice everything…..) :) …but this season of life. too often we are always looking forward to the future or what is to come instead of just enjoying where He has placed us now in our current situations. i am so thankful. sometimes i really just needed to take a moment to pause, be still, and reflect on His goodness and grace in my life. these are beautiful times…
One year ago from today, i married my best friend….i can’t believe a year has already passed! i am so grateful for him everyday and am blessed by his example. the Lord teaches me so much through him. this first year has definitely had its little trials & adjustments, but it has been wonderful. i didn’t really see how the term “the first year of marriage is the hardest” plays out…i loved it! i mean, i’m not going to lie and say it hasn’t been hard at times…especially the loneliness part of it all…that’s been hard. weird huh? we didn’t know how it would bring us to a season where we’d be kind of isolated from old friends. just a different season, you know? every day i’m learning and the Lord is shaping me into the person He wants me to be…and i’m thankful that He uses marriage as a way to do so. :)