is he “the one”?
there is a question i get asked sometimes on here: “how and when did you know jay was the one God had chosen for you?” so i thought i would write a little on it.
honestly, i didn’t know that He was the one God had chosen for me right away. it took some time. i guess i will start from the beginning…
i never really dated. i mean, i went to homecoming when i was thirteen or fourteen with a guy i had a “crush” on but i’m not sure if that counts. there seemed to be a lot of people my age who would date, have some fun and fall in “love” then break up. the cycle would continue and end in heartbreak. i saw many broken hearts and i didn’t really want that. after reading many leslie ludy books like “when God writes your love story“, i realized that the Lord had a man who would one day become my husband. until then, i would focus my attention and energy on seeking Jesus and the will that He had for my life. i didn’t want to date someone if i didn’t see myself marrying them. if i could go back to my high school years and even after i wish i would have been bold and encouraged others to do the same. i saw a lot of broken hearts and crummy relationships. let me clarify: dating is not wrong, it really isn’t. but many young woman date just to date. obviously i dated jay before we were engaged. it is the motive behind dating that is most important.
anywho, on to if jay was the “the one.” when i met jay, i was at a time in my life where i had given over my love life to the Lord. i got tired, real quick about thinking of my future husband or boyfriend. i wanted to live in the present and didn’t want to have my mind focused on “what if’s.” of course, i admit, when i was at coffee houses or out and saw a guy that looked interesting i would think “hmmm…maybe he is…” (i mean, c’mon haven’t you done that? see a nice guy and wonder if he’s the one. i know you’ve done that sort of thing!) but really, i wasn’t looking for anyone to date. i was still waiting. i came to a place in this journey where i was ok with the thought of being single for life and becoming a missionary in india. there were certain guy friends in my life at the time who wanted to pursue our relationship more and i was still not sure i was ready to do that. then jay came along and things changed.
i really liked jay…he was unique and i saw something different in him. i prayed a lot and talked to some people about jay. my grandpa was one of those people. my mom was another. i was waiting to hear an audible voice come down from heaven saying “HE IS THE ONE” but no voice ever came. what did come though was time and seeing jay’s heart. i saw the way that He sought the Lord. i saw his humility and patience. the way he treated me was exactly the way i knew the Lord would have my future husband treat me. he had a great sense of humor and lightheartedness about him that i loved. he was also very out-going…something that my shy, introverted self lacked. after some time, some heart-searching, and after he asked my dad’s permission to date me, we moved forward.
so, how do you know if HE is the one? the thing is, you might not know right away. you will a have peace about it. and peace is much different than attraction. you will have people around you that love you and will encourage you in the relationship. if everyone around you is telling you the relationship is a bad idea, it probably is. truth be told, love can be blind. so keep seeking Jesus. keep seeking His heart and He will give you a peace and be the center of your relationship. your to-be husband that the Lord has for you will lead you. he will be the leader in your relationship. both spiritually and physically.
but for now, enjoy your singleness. this may sound cheesy but EMBRACE it. you will never get this time back in your life. the Lord has much to teach you and there is joy in this season of life. you can do things now that you won’t be able to do when your married. your full attention can be focused on the Lord during this time. it is beautiful and i’m so blessed to see some of my single friends who’s hearts are full of Jesus’ love. be encouraged….your time will come but for now live life a little and just enjoy it :)