there is a question i get asked sometimes on here: “how and when did you know jay was the one God had chosen for you?” so i thought i would write a little on it.
honestly, i didn’t know that He was the one God had chosen for me right away. it took some time. i guess i will start from the beginning…
i never really dated. i mean, i went to homecoming when i was thirteen or fourteen with a guy i had a “crush” on but i’m not sure if that counts. there seemed to be a lot of people my age who would date, have some fun and fall in “love” then break up. the cycle would continue and end in heartbreak. i saw many broken hearts and i didn’t really want that. after reading many leslie ludy books like “when God writes your love story“, i realized that the Lord had a man who would one day become my husband. until then, i would focus my attention and energy on seeking Jesus and the will that He had for my life. i didn’t want to date someone if i didn’t see myself marrying them. if i could go back to my high school years and even after i wish i would have been bold and encouraged others to do the same. i saw a lot of broken hearts and crummy relationships. let me clarify: dating is not wrong, it really isn’t. but many young woman date just to date. obviously i dated jay before we were engaged. it is the motive behind dating that is most important.
anywho, on to if jay was the “the one.” when i met jay, i was at a time in my life where i had given over my love life to the Lord. i got tired, real quick about thinking of my future husband or boyfriend. i wanted to live in the present and didn’t want to have my mind focused on “what if’s.” of course, i admit, when i was at coffee houses or out and saw a guy that looked interesting i would think “hmmm…maybe he is…” (i mean, c’mon haven’t you done that? see a nice guy and wonder if he’s the one. i know you’ve done that sort of thing!) but really, i wasn’t looking for anyone to date. i was still waiting. i came to a place in this journey where i was ok with the thought of being single for life and becoming a missionary in india. there were certain guy friends in my life at the time who wanted to pursue our relationship more and i was still not sure i was ready to do that. then jay came along and things changed.
i really liked jay…he was unique and i saw something different in him. i prayed a lot and talked to some people about jay. my grandpa was one of those people. my mom was another. i was waiting to hear an audible voice come down from heaven saying “HE IS THE ONE” but no voice ever came. what did come though was time and seeing jay’s heart. i saw the way that He sought the Lord. i saw his humility and patience. the way he treated me was exactly the way i knew the Lord would have my future husband treat me. he had a great sense of humor and lightheartedness about him that i loved. he was also very out-going…something that my shy, introverted self lacked. after some time, some heart-searching, and after he asked my dad’s permission to date me, we moved forward.
so, how do you know if HE is the one? the thing is, you might not know right away. you will a have peace about it. and peace is much different than attraction. you will have people around you that love you and will encourage you in the relationship. if everyone around you is telling you the relationship is a bad idea, it probably is. truth be told, love can be blind. so keep seeking Jesus. keep seeking His heart and He will give you a peace and be the center of your relationship. your to-be husband that the Lord has for you will lead you. he will be the leader in your relationship. both spiritually and physically.
but for now, enjoy your singleness. this may sound cheesy but EMBRACE it. you will never get this time back in your life. the Lord has much to teach you and there is joy in this season of life. you can do things now that you won’t be able to do when your married. your full attention can be focused on the Lord during this time. it is beautiful and i’m so blessed to see some of my single friends who’s hearts are full of Jesus’ love. be encouraged….your time will come but for now live life a little and just enjoy it :)
Loved reading this, Arielle. So much truth and encouragement here, and what a wonderful example you (& Jay) are of God bringing two of His people together. :) I can echo the desire to have been more bold in encouraging friends to be careful with their hearts. I’ve seen my share of hearts broken over boys and relationships that I knew weren’t the best for that friend, but at the time was too shy to say anything against. Now, though, is a great time to speak up… I want that boldness for the present and future. Thanks for sharing! :)
goodness…this is so “spot-on”! quite possibly one of my favorite posts of yours! :) i think this is something that, even those of us who are in a relationship or engaged(!), struggle with. i’ve learned that we over-complicate things so much regarding whether “he’s the one”…sometimes you have to just be simple and sensible, knowing that “the one” isn’t going to be perfect, meet all of your expectations or fulfill all of your needs (only Jesus can do that!). at least for me in my relationship with my fiance, i had to come to a point where i had to choose between continually seeking perfection and all of these useless “qualities” in him (does it really matter whether or not he likes to take road trips like me all the time?), and accepting him for what he is and was created to be. it’s a scary moment…knowing that you’ve surrendered “looking” elsewhere, but it’s so comforting knowing that you’re with “the one” God hand-picked for you!
thanks for the encouragement! (and sorry for the long post! this is something i’m so passionate about!) blessings! <3
Arielle thank you for that encouragement!! I am 24 and have never been on a proper date! :) Thank you for the encouragement to cling even more to God!
I was on the brink of tears reading this post. I definitely have not “embraced” my singleness. I’m in the waiting stage and finding it very difficult to be patient when I see friends and family, everyone who close to me, with their special someones. I just want that for myself so badly. However, like you said, now is the time to focus my full attention on the Lord.
Twice now, your posts (the clothing one and now this) have been spot on with what I needed to hear and to be taught. It’s difficult to listen though. Thanks so much for sharing, Arielle. It’s been a true blessing to have found your blog.
this is such a beautiful post. growing up, and in high school, i never really dated. i had never met someone i wanted to share my life with, someone i felt comfortable around. it was so strange to me that everyone around me seemed to be “falling in love” with someone new every other day! i never understood that.
and then last year, i met my current boyfriend, The One. i’m so glad i waited for this man to tell my stories to, share my life with.
PS i’d just like to add that even though i’m not religious and we don’t share the same religious beliefs, i always find such inspiration in your writing and in your stories. i think that’s a really amazing thing.
well said…..(not much more to say than that….)
I love this, Arielle! So much truth.
this was so wonderful & encouraging to read. i honestly have been kicking myself lately for turning away a friend who wanted to pursue more. but reading what you wrote about having a peace was exactly what i needed to hear. it makes perfect sense…and i am very convinced that i was not given that peace in this situation for a reason, even if its not always clear. thank you for this.
I wish so much that I had waited to date. I was not a believer and didn’t understand why you wouldn’t date. It caused me much pain. I’m so glad your story is different. You are blessed! Thank you for sharing.
Wow. I really LOVE reading your blog. You have such great insight! I like what you said about seeking God’s will for you and having a feeling of peace about the relationship (that is truly how I felt when dating my husband…it was very different than in other relationships I had been in before him). Thanks for sharing these thoughts.
Thanks for the encouragement! I’m finding it tough to enjoy my singleness but I’ll do my best to embrace it for all it’s worth because I know that God will bring the right man into my life when the time is right. Thanks again!
Love this! I also love Leslie Ludy and the book “the first 90 days of marriage.” I briefly read “I kissed dating goodbye,” which was interesting, but I read it while I was already dating Vance and ended up marrying him, so it wasn’t as meaningful fo me!
Great post though :)
“you will never get that time back in your life” – so true! i think all too often people forget this and then, after never really being single and rushing into marriage, they realize somewhere down the line that they “missed out on” being single. so – well said!
Arielle, this post is amazing! It makes me feel so lucky and grateful for my boyfriend!
YES! Although I am truly loving being single and all the freedom it brings and also just realizing each day that I am in no condition to be a wife…yet! haha I still think every now and again when out and alone or with friends “OH. IS HE THE ONE… IS HE CHRISTIAN? Oh. NEVER MIND…” haha That is the dialogue that pursues the immediate attraction. I was starting to think recently perhaps I haven’t been truly content with being single. Because that thought comes when I see a guy that I am attracted to. But maybe it is just natural to have the desire to want to know if it is worth the attraction at all? As a christian woman at least… I mean, right? lol I don’t know what I meant to say but I hope you understand. And I am so glad that you said PEACE. The common thread I see in relationships truly founded on the Lord from the beginning is that the man pursues and makes his intentions clear so there is no guessing on our part how he feels. I believe God is going to make it crystal clear for me and my husband is going to feel like a delivery. Basically, I won’t have to do anything but be surprised when he lands on my doorstep. hahahahahaha
I’m such a brat huh? Thanks for tolerating me and always being so kind and responding. I really am a mess though.
Wonderful post. I feel the exact same way about dating. I am still in highschool, and it is very difficult to maintain such a belief when everyone around is doing the complete opposite. It is hard to be patient. Thanks for this post.
I definitely needed to hear this today. Thank you. <3
Girl, I wish we were friends in high school!! I could have really used this truth! But, thank you so much for sharing now & I hope that you are able to continue to be a picture of Jesus & encouragement to many.
I found your blog on accident a while back, but now, I read it all the time. You are so wise in the Lord and always have good things to say. This blog, right here, was something I really needed to hear. I have been struggling recently with a guy I am dating. I WANT to like him and I WANT to have a relationship but at the same time, I feel a little hesitant and I can’t quite put my finger on it. There is no peace there. I do agree with you – if it was something the Lord wanted there would be a peace about it. I think that is how it is with anything the Lord wants us to do. It might not exactly be “easy” but it would just be something you know/feel with a peace of mind. That’s just my thoughts. Thanks so much for reminding me. :]
I honestly wish I had thought to enjoy my singleness when I was single. All my friends were in relationships and I envied them so I was miserable. When I met Dustin, my husband, I knew almost right away that he was it and that made me happy. And although I would never ever trade him for anything I truly wish I’d really gone nuts before he and I settled down!
Beautiful! What wonderful insight. So much of falling in love is about following your heart and trusting in God’s plan for you. Having Jesus as the center of your relationship is vital to experiencing a lasting and forever love!
I enjoy your blog so much. So much of what you write about is how I think. You are very encouraging and super adorable. You have a very adorable family too. Once I started reading your posts I got hooked. I now follow your blog and look forward to you posting new ones. They make my day :0). Thanks for using your God giving gift so well. Be blessed and I’ll keep checking back for more updates!
Amen and Amen! I would definitely say I didn’t know at first but I did recieve that peace. God is so good! Loved reading this!
You have such wisdom in your youth! I can say that, as I’m not so youthful anymore ;). I too wish I had embraced singleness more but I am thankful for my husband and that I waited on God to bring him to me. “Peace” would definitely describe the feeling I had when I met my man and we began the path toward marriage. We will celebrate 17 years this summer. Wow! The time has flown by, we’ve had our difficulties but I wouldn’t trade it or him. I love him more today than 17 years ago. Love definitely grows if we weed, water and feed it.
Thanks so much for this, Arielle. It makes me think a lot about my own current relationship. You are so inspiring :)
How true these words are! Before I met my husband, I spent many years running head first into relationships I thought were a good idea, never bothering to stop and think about whether they were part of God’s will for my life or not. NONE of them turned out well. It wasn’t until I let go and let Him take the reigns of my life that I met my husband. When we started dating, it was such an eye opener to me. All the guys I had pursued in the past were ones I thought had what I needed. Turns out God knew better, and had picked someone out for me that would meet my needs, and make me a better person in ways I had never imagined. As soon as we started dating, I knew that this relationship was different. That feeling of peace you described is so right on- that’s EXACTLY what I felt.
I so hope that many girls read this, and heed your words. It will spare so many broken hearts and unfulfilling relationships!
I really love reading your blog, it never fails to remind me of the Lord’s goodness and I’ve truly been blessed and encouraged by your posts. When I was in high school, most of my close friends were dating, and dating became something that I felt was quite “cool”. I had went through several relationships, none of them lasted for more than a year. I never had the thought of marrying the guy whom I was dating. True enough, when the relationship is not God-centred and ordained by God, it wouldn’t be blessed. I dated a guy whom my family, church and friends disapproved of. But I was so blinded by “love” that I decided to go my way. Yet, the relationship ended up with broken hearts and pain. I told myself that I should never get into a relationship in the near future. But God had his own timing for things to happen. Within a year, the right guy appeared. I have been dating him for more than 3 years now and we’re planning for marriage within the next few years.
I totally agree with your post that we should wait for God to place the right guy in our life in His own timing instead of trying to go through the cycle of getting into a relationship and then breaking up. It would have been great if I would have understood this truth years before.
Continue in posting and shining for God! (:
Only having become a Christian at 18, I sometimes envy stories like yours. Praise the Lord for rescuing us and keeping us [albeit in different ways]. Your story is beautiful.
I love, love, loved that book by Leslie & Eric Ludy. It completely changed my heart and my perspective on dating. I didn’t know right away that my husband was “the one” either, but it was definitely a different feeling and a different kind of attraction (if that’s even the right word for it) when we started to get to know one another. Our stories, our history, our upbringing…all matched. It was almost uncanny how similar we were. But when I knew, I just knew. Beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it with us!
Arielle thank you so much for posting this today. It was a God-thing that I read it. I am sitting here (if I can be so honest) bawling my eyes out. I am heart broken right now, as my boyfriend of long time and I just got into a huge fight and quite possibly broke up. You are so right.. “keep seeking Jesus.” that is essential. Jesus knows whats best and Jesus knows who I am going to end up with. I love your heart. Thank you again for sharing this.
That’s so true, Arielle. Thank you for posting this. It’s something I needed to hear for quite a long time.
What a wonderful post! I love visiting your site. :)
I also love Leslie Ludy – I read the First 90 Days of Marriage on my honeymoon and was hooked. ((I still have my own bathroom today after reading that suggestion))
I met Jeremy in our Christian high school when I was only 16. Neither of us have a lot of experience in the dating world, so I always like to read about other people’s experiences. Girls today need to hear more from people like you than what’s promoted in popular culture.
This was a great post. Thank you! :)
I love this Arielle! So inspiring & it makes me just want to pass this post out to every high school girl out there so their eyes can be open to what they really deserve :)
Wow. Our stories are just about the same! When I looked at other people breaking up all the time I though, “I don’t want to do that. I want to fall in love once with the man I will marry.”
God is so faithful isn’t He? He knew just the kind of men we needed!
I love this post. I need to do my very own like this.
Before my husband & I started dating, I did some heavy praying on whether or not I should pursue something more with Scott. One night when I was pondering over it, God literally sent a rainbow . . . when I was in one of the parks where he & I had been with friends a week or so earlier.
Aw friend, your last paragraph really spoke to me as I’ve been desiring to be married already. I tell myself I’ve been single for long enough and sometimes question why we (bf and I) aren’t married yet, so thank you.
Before I met him, people would want me to date just to date and I never wanted to. I did the same as you and wouldn’t go on a date with anyone I knew wouldn’t be my husband. It was never a desire of mine to get in the ‘dating scene’ and I’m glad for that. I’ve only given my heart to G-man and I’m so thankful for that. Way to protect your heart all through school. :)
I think this is so true, not only for dating, but for all areas of our lives. We can get caught up in trying to do it our way and forget to realize that God’s plan is much greater than the plans we have for ourselves. Thanks for the reminder!
your words here are so true encouraging. i just want to echo all the other comments by thank you for posting this and encouraging me to continue on my wait and resting on God for the one he has for me.
Hey sweets! I changed the domain name of my blog. All my current readers have to un~follow, then re~follow me. If you have a minute I would love if you re~followed me so we can stay in tune =)
Angel @ http://www.thislifeissweet.com
You just brought me to tears…goosebumps beautiful!!!!!
Thank you Jesus for such amazing inspiration & words.
Wow, so close to heart, so special.
You have a new follower!!!! have a look at my blog too if you’d like.
much Blessings!!!! <3
awesome! will definitely do so :)
thank you so much for your encouragement jennifer :)
thank you for the encouragement emily :) many blessings!
wow…that is awesome! you should definitely write about it sometime ;) blessings! <3
yes…so very faithful! <3
thank you so much anna! :)
i haven’t read the 90 first days of marriage but it sounds awesome! :) i’ll have to check it out and pass it on…
thank you for the encouragement ashley <3
thank you grace!
thank you so much emily….i pray that the Lord will bring you comfort. i hope you are doing ok…i’m sure it’ not easy. keep seeing Him, lovely!
you are beautiful- inside and out! blessings, arielle <3
yes, i loved the book also! definitely changed my perspective :) how awesome!
thank you mary! my husband became a Christian around 17 or 18 as well :) blessings to you~
thank you so much gabrielle…what a beautiful & redemptive story! many blessings to you both & may He bless your relationship!
thank you alison! i pray others will wait too….it is sad seeing the younger generation looking to other things that will satisfy (such as guys)
blessings <3 !
thank you eva :)
17 years! how awesome :) that is so great to look up to! i feel like after 10 (sometimes 5…3) years of marriage people give up so easily!
thank you for your encouragement!
thank you amylou! :)
aw amy! your comment brought a smile to my face. seriously, thank you so, so much! :)
thank you so much amanda for your sweet comment! it is a huge encouragement to read…
i pray that His will be done in your relationship as you continue to see Him! may His peace
be with you :) much love, arielle
thank you for the encouragement cory! ;)
yes! in high school it was definitely the hardest for me…but it is so so so (so) worth it! haha :)
many blessings <3
i love every single comment you leave here… this one made me laugh out loud a little :)
you are too funny! i’m excited to see when the Lord will bring you the guy He has for you..
you two will do great things for the kingdom!! keep seeing Him girl….your light shines.
love, arielle <3
thank you monique <3
thank you lori <3
thank you laura! :)
thank you for the encouragement jordyn :)
thank you so much melisande! i’m so glad you can relate :) haha…it did seem like everyone
was “falling in love” with someone new everyday. so true. i wish you two the best! <3
sharla…that is so awesome! other girls look up to you i am sure :)
thank you for the encouragement <3
awesome hope! so glad you can relate :) i think that is awesome that you met your fiance when you did and i’m
excited for you two! i’m sure you are an encouragement to others who are waiting to date ;) many blessings <3
thank you kristin…i too, was too shy to say anything to many of my friends who were in relationships in the past.
i pray for that same boldness! :)
This is beautiful. I lead a 8th grade girls small group through my church and we were just talking about this idea last week, so I shared the link to this post with them. I SO appreciate your beautiful honesty and encouragement in this!
I like the simplicity with which you relate your courtship with Jay. God bless your union. x