Sitting in my office (aka as the spare bedroom) thinking about how very soon I will be packing all of this up so that we can make room for a nursery. My desk, my workspace, the canvases, all the picture frames and supplies. We will try and arrange a makeshift “office” for me somewhere else in the house.
As I think about packing up, it makes me a little sad but I know it is for a much brighter, more beautiful reason. Although physically we are packing up a part of my business, I feel in a way that I am packing up a part of my business literally as well. I’m not going to be shutting my business down but will be taking on much less. It hurts a little bit as I’ve been saying no to weddings and will only be taking on a few next year. When I say no, I also see the extra money and opportunity go out the window. I see the money go out the window…but then I also see the time that I will have with my soon-to-be two little ones.
I know that we live in a world where women can be seen as doing it all…or having it all. But personally, for me…it is hard to keep that going for very long. If I’m focusing on working hours from home, there is a part of my life that falls to the wayside (my family.) I’m reassured that this is just a short season of me saying no and taking on less. Leland will only be small for so long. These years are very, very short. I have many years later on to focus on my business and really pour all of my heart and energy into it. I love this quote by Candice Watters:
“The nature of parenting is sacrifice. You can’t retrofit kids into your present life. If you want to be faithful, you have to fit your life around what God call you to as a mom or dad. That requires dying to yourself daily. It’s painfully hard, but it’s actually easier than trying to work in vain pursuing the illusion of having it all. You are dearly loved. ….imitate the one who loved you by laying down His life and trust in His promise that “whoever loses his life for Me will find it.” (matthew 16:25)”
This is just a season, and I know that the Lord will honor what I surrender over to Him. I know that He will bless the time I’m going to invest in our little ones. There’s a song by Watermark that says “It’s good for me to lay it down at Your feet. It is good for me to lay the good and bad in the hands of my God.” …so that is what I’m doing. Packing up and laying it all in His hands.